They say it takes Two-to-Tango….n I do second this completely!! My twin girls surely make us do Tango (like literally).
Yes…. you heard it right…. we have twins. Good thing is they are non-identical twins And so little did we know that we would also be tango-ing around soon with our twins when me and my wife found that we were having a twin pregnancy. Although it’s fun to raise and handle twins but trust me- they are for sure take a roller-coaster ride.
Being happy and excited to be a parent is always on the chart but being nervous is also part of the journey which you can’t miss.
Talking about a twin pregnancy, the most common topic is challenged faced by a mom. And the father gets completely ignored.
But have you also ever wondered what is it like to be a father to twins? Well today let me give u an insight of a perspective of a father of twins.
First things first
As a man you really need to do a lot of research beforehand including regularly interacting with the doctors as you would be really battling with a huge pile of information. Being in the age of internet your wife will definitely be browsing stacks and stacks of information online reading about twin pregnancies and searching out for a wife’s tales and asking stories from friends n family to know more about being mother. My wife was no different, she too browsed lot of info on internet and friends making her apprehensive. Like a good husband, I used to always try to calm her by saying that there have been many successful twin pregnancies. Most importantly, it’s a mother’s worry out of love for her so-arriving kids that leads to such digging. (A piece of advice, try distracting your wife by keeping her away from phone and computer.)
On Call Doc
It’s always the case for any man that not being a woman and pregnant with the twins, you will always have zero credibility in such matters. Trust me she is never going to believe you even for the most common-sense explanation you have for any discomfort she has or any other pregnancy related issue. So, she is only going to or will believe the doctors or nurse regarding the same thing than your advice. Many times, she would resist or be apprehensive about calling the doctors for anything and in turn push the same task on your shoulder.
Trust me, do not panic. Just call the doc and put him or her on the speaker for her. (My aunt was the doc so she knew if I called her it was because my wife wouldn’t …hehehe….)
Every test comes in pair
Now since you are going to have twins, all the ultrasound and tests come in pair for you throughout the pregnancy. Some of them are awkward and uncomfortable but it’s really important that both mom and dad are there to know about it. You both will have some set of questions and it’s not like you would have different set of questions compared to your wife, but as a husband and father-to-be, your role is be more of counterbalancing her paranoia while speaking to your doctor.
Leaving all this aside the best part of all the scans is you get to hear the babies’ heartbeat and have a glimpse at them inside mummy’s tummy.
Other things are secondary
I always kept reminding my wife that she is pregnant with twins and hence she needs to abide by certain schedule for rest. She needs to go to bed early, try resting at home after work and all. Yes, at times she did feel guilty of getting less involved in household work and that’s where I had to convince her that It’s ok to be less involved as our priority has changed now. But again you will lose credibility here with the facts that many women have worked until the last day and the day before their delivery. You can never win such arguments you know…!!!!
All this came from one my cousin who was also pregnant with twins and worked till the day of her delivery. Now can you beat that…??!!!
Caring is mutual
During pregnancy, a mother-to-be will always feel that she alone carries all the weight of the world on her shoulder only. It’s like she is the only one who has to face it. Well, It’s natural guys…. don’t worry. It is as during this time her hormones would be raging and she will be feeling exhausted. It’s natural for a woman for hormones to be fluctuating during pregnancy. And mind you, I am not saying all this to take sides with the men out there or annoy any women, but just updating with facts that we fathers do the right thing by comforting them.
All you need to do is guide her, be by her side, comfort her through those crucial periods of pregnancy. Sit and listen to her when she has to vent out and hug her when she needs that comfort from you. Of course you can try to keep her happy by providing her food she is craving for all the time. (We ate so much non-veg as my wife craved for it all the time…hehehe.)
We always talk about the do’s and don’ts before delivery and during the pregnancy but the real game changer starts post-delivery. Post Delivery there is a lot you need to take care of, especially with two infants and a busy mother with them.
It’s time for a routine
Creating a routine is the most important thing you need to work on as a parent. It adds discipline to you and your kid’s life and provides a healthy environment for the kids to grow. At times you might need to encourage your wife too to follow such routine so that she gets enough naps to cover her sleepless nights. It’s a case many times, especially in India, that hell lot of relatives do visit you post-delivery and see the new born. That’s when you lose the routine and time for your short naps during the day.
As a father It’s important that you try to handle all this so that your wife can try to get some short naps during the day. Luckily for us, thanks to the lockdown due to the covid pandemic, we didn’t have any relatives visiting us so we could maintain the routine for 6 months properly.
What a dad should know about breastfeeding
Most of the time breastfeeding is not easily understood by many dads. In-fact, I was enlightened about it by my aunt-who as I mentioned earlier who is a gynecologist. Of course, we say breastfeeding is natural but trust me it’s not that easy. My aunt guided my wife through the lactation process but for those who don’t have a doctor in the house, I suggest do consult a lactation consultant.
Recalling those days…???
I have noticed one thing that often dads couldn’t recall their experiences in their early days of being father. It’s only because they are too busy and exhausted in the routine. Hence if possible that it should be documented whenever we have time. I asked a few friends of mine and even they couldn’t recall for the same reason. Hence our only sources were my cousin sister – who I previously mentioned too had twins. I spoke for hours with my brother-in-law and he could actually recall and tell me the whole scenario post-delivery…wow…!!!
It’s natural to see all fathers to get excited pre- and post-delivery and do hell lot of shopping for their kids and fill the house with so many things like clothes, toys etc. Don’t blame them, it’s purely out of excitement.
In-fact, many of my friends asked me n my wife if we had done all the purchases. Luckily for us one of my other sisters had delivered a girl last year so we had almost everything passed on to us by her. Instances like this do save you a lot of effort and money. But it’s true you know, no sooner would you realize that your house would be filled with kids’ stuff like toys, stroller, chairs, swings, carpets etc.
My twin girls are eight months old now and we haven’t been much out to malls due to lockdown. But yes, last year when I used to visit the malls I used to see moms and dads moving around the mall with their babies in strollers. I saw one or two dads with twins in their double pram. I always thought I would also do the same and take my babies for a stroll in the mall or outside.
Although the mall may not be possible now, but I did take my girls for a stroll in my residential premises once in the evening. And when a dad takes his kids for a walk in the pram, it’s amazing how people look at you especially other moms. Moms do grant sainthood to the man who rolls solo with his kids especially twins. And yes yes people did exclaim,” Oh they are twins……that’s so cool…!”
When you are about to become a father, you always have a curiosity towards those friends who don’t have any plans yet for kids. Whenever you ask them, it’s a standard answer, “We are waiting for the right time…”
When I got married, we also had same answer but then one elder told me there is no such thing as right time for the kids, as you will never have enough money, enough big house or car. There is no such thing as enough or right time. It’s true that having kids and raising them is another task and a major responsibility in life. All of your expenses are cut down, leisure shopping and recreational expenses take back seat, eating out doesn’t feel good. Infact, all this is replaced with spending time with babies on floor, food stored in the house, the fuel tank in your car being full.
But yes I would say have babies when you can, there is no such thing as a right time and enough time. Word of thought – spend as much time with kids as you can.
The Clan of Fathers
Recently I met a friend in my café and guess what we ended up comparing — notes as a father. It’s amazing how we have so much to talk about as parents and trust me, the feeling is truly overwhelming. This also happens in various public places and worst part is when you have a friend who is not a father yet or single and is amazed how you discuss all of this.
Well, you end up explaining him about it and telling him how life is different now and It’s impossible to live without kids for you.
It’s Two and we are done
We always had plans for two kids even if it meant we had to go for it one at a time. Luckily for us it happened in one go. You know as they say,” God has a funny way of granting boons…” Well even I always hoped to have twins at back of my mind. And Guess what…. it’s true…!!
Yes, it’s a double trouble, so everything is double then, your joy, diapers, cries, laughers and efforts at one time. But yes you only take on trip down that road, so enjoy all the sleepless nights, late night feedings, reflux, diaper changing etc.
Take it as a fun filled activity and you will be just fine. Nowadays I have gone into the habit of telling my singleton parents to go for a second child for which I don’t get a good reaction. (It’s hard to go through same road again). But the best part is when some of them will go down the same road again, you will be done with it already.
When it actually comes to kids our knowledge is always inadequate and there is more to learn. And hence one constantly needs to keep exploring and learning to handle them. Children always need good habits to be inculcated since childhood consciously by parents. And hence couples who have just become or on the way to become parents should know important things to nurture their children. Hence do visit below link to read more about such habits for kids and also how to cater to emotional needs about your child.